Me

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Every single entry on this page is somehow related to me, and so, one may argue that this entry is slightly redundant. However, sometimes one can see a quite interesting question being raised: What exactly defines `me'? I don't really think there are any perfect or even good answers, but sometimes I think [see thinking] that the process itself can be more important than the goal [see process vs. goal orientation].

There are so many factors people see as important in defining who you are. On IRC [see Internet Relay Chat] people often do the soon-to-be-famous "asl?" (Age, Sex, Location) thingie. Are these really so important? Let's examine all three in turn, and then look at some other factors that are usually regarded as important.

But first, let me cite a good friend of mine, only known as Sojourner to me and many others (see further down the page for a discussion about names). It may not be a direct citation from his book The Weft of Estrangement, as I simply at the time of writing don't have the book available, but it is yet in his spirit that I write this: "On the Internet, [see the Internet] I am without race, gender and color". Says something, doesn't it? I think you know where I'm headed by now. But let's begin our little ASL breakdown.

The first one is age. The age is the time elapsed since you drew your first breath, coming out of your mother, watching the world for the first time. Since then, you've (hopefully!) learned quite a lot, and developed quite a bit both physically [see sports] and emotionally [see thinking]. But do everybody progress at the same rate? Really? There is a term called `mental age' that I'm quite fond of. Mental age cannot be expressed as a number. Quite often, it keeps at least roughly pace with your numerical age, but not always. I feel that people try to judge my mental age by looking at my numerical age -- and that is not fair. If I say I'm 14, does that really tell you that I can't be a grown-up in my head? (What a grown-up really is, is quite another discussion, which I won't get into now...) If I say I'm 25, does that really mean I'm mature? See what I mean? (And perhaps you can be more mature in some fields than another? Makes sense, no?)

The second one is sex. This is IMHO the most stupid of the three. If I'm female, does that mean I'm another person than if I'm male? Especially with the diversion of different sexualities we're seeing in our society today, I really don't see how a simple `male/female' toggle could tell you anything, except for perhaps our ability to produce a child together -- and I sincerely do not hope that is the first thing you want to know if you want to get to know me...

The third one is location. You could perhaps ask about `culture' instead, which at least would make slightly more sense to me. It is important to know that we are not only products of ourselves, but also of the society we live in. However, again we arrive at the central point of problem: People judge you based on where you live or come from, and again on the basis of prejudices. Thus, location isn't the answer for me either.

Apart from that, there are several factors that try to define what or who you are. One quite common `wanted factor' is looks [see photography]. You may have realized that at least this entry contains no photo of me (there are photos of me other places, though, you might stumble upon them by accident :-) ). This is again because I want to be able to define and express [see writing and communication] myself, by my own means. I can control my own appearance by a very small degree, and even though a picture may tell a thousand words, I prefer to speak to you in words here. (Another thing is that there are very few good pictures of me -- or perhaps it is me after all? *g*)

Last, I'd like to bring up an interesting issue: Do I have the right to define myself? Some people think that the only way to define yourself, is by looking at how others define you. Others again feel that there is a central core that is you and only you, and that you can never get down to this core, and thus it's impossible to define what's you and what's just coming from others. I myself am of the impression that there is really a combination of these and other factors: I feel free to define who I am (and not less important: to change who I am -- as soon as I change what I do, I also change what I am, and thus who I am), but others will always try to define me, and the interaction one self and others are what makes us humans, or at least it's very often what drives us forward as humans. If there is a central `core' or `soul' that's unique to every one of us, becomes a religious matter [see religion], and is perhaps a bit off-topic to this discussion.

A quite interesting sub-topic of this is that some people feel that your name is an important part of who you are... and guess who gives you your name? Your parents. In other words, it all boils down to the same question. I don't really feel my name is that important -- after all, if I really want, I can change it, and on IRC [see Internet Relay Chat] I am actually free to choose my own name, which can describe me in a totally different way than my `real' name can. My `nick name', `screen name' or `alias' is Sesse. It doesn't really mean anything. Now, that in itself means something. Funny, don't you think? :-)